It is my opinion that over the years many churches and their pastors have allowed funeral homes and directors to take over some of the tasks that only churches should have.  In particular I am talking about the practice of having memorial services, or what we United Methodists call a "Service of Death and Resurrection” in the funeral home rather than in the church.  Now while this may be understandable if a person has no church home or has been inactive in a church for many years, it is simply unacceptable that such services be held in funeral homes when an active church member is involved.

It seems to me that one of the best times for ministry to a family is in the careful planning and conducting of a church service in honor of the deceased.  In a church a true worshipping community can gather, songs of the faith can actually be sung (instead of taped music or hymns being played before or after a service in a funeral home), and the departed’s life can be celebrated in a place that had real meaning for him or her.  And while funeral homes may be familiar and comfortable settings, none of the above statements hold true for them.

As a minister for over 20 years now, I have seen increasing numbers of church members have their funeral services conducted in the funeral homes.  Why?  I don’t know, for sure, but perhaps it has to do with a possible added cost for transporting the coffin to a church for the service.  And I also know as well that some church sanctuaries are located on the second floor of church buildings, making the placement of a coffin in the sanctuary problematic.  But I believe such problems can be solved, and I am of the firm opinion that every active church member should have his or her memorial service in the church where he or she worshipped or prayed.  I encourage my church members to do just that.

I was therefore interested to read a post recently in the GetReligion blog (see link below).  In it a funeral director is suing a priest and the Archdiocese of Louisville for undercutting his business by implementing (or I should say enforcing) rules for conducting funerals in the priest’s parish.  This funeral home is located in Nelson County, Kentucky (the county in which I grew up), and the story was reported on by Pete Smith of the Louisville Courier-Journal, it’s religion reporter.  Smith wrote:

A Nelson County funeral home director is suing the Archdiocese of Louisville and a Roman Catholic priest, whom he accuses of undercutting his business by implementing new rules on conducting funerals at his parish.

The Rev. Jeffrey Leger, pastor of St. Catherine Church in New Haven, put a new policy into effect last month, stipulating that funeral directors can no longer solely plan funerals. Instead, they must now plan them with Leger, who has final say.

The new policy, which Leger outlined in a 10-page letter to funeral directors, strictly enforces church law and liturgical practices that limit such things as the types of readings, music and eulogies at funeral Masses.

Ron Rust, owner of the William R. Rust Funeral Home in New Haven, said the policy will interfere with his longstanding business of coordinating funerals that are held at St. Catherine.

Smith goes on:

In his letter to funeral homes, [Leger] said the purpose of a funeral Mass is to “illumine the mystery of Christian death in light of the risen Christ,” and that everything must focus on the Christian hope of resurrection.

Anything that could distract from that should be avoided, he wrote, adding that eulogies, recorded music and nonbiblical readings such as poetry and letters are forbidden except under limited circumstances.

Such personalized features should take place at the vigil service, typically held the evening before the Mass at either the church or the funeral home, he said.

I particularly like what Mollie Ziegler, the writer at GetReligion, has to say:

It’s the dirty little secret of church life that some funeral directors are responsible for exerting a great deal of power over funeral services. Sometimes that’s a net blessing for the parties involved. Grieving family members don’t always make the best decisions about funerals. But for churches, such as mine, that approach funerals as worship services in which the Word of God is proclaimed in order to comfort those who grieve with hope in the resurrected Christ — meddling from non-members can wreak havoc. I say all this as a descendant of successful funeral home directors on one side of the family and the daughter of a pastor on the other side of the family.

I couldn’t agree with her more. What do you, my gentle readers, think?

The business of death was written by Mollie Ziegler on Thursday, 21 August 2008.

"Churches Versus Funeral Homes" was published on August 28th, 2008 and is listed in Church, Worship.

I started blogging almost three and a half years ago, and the third post I wrote was entitled “Deadly Poison.”  It was about the dangers of the tongue and referenced James 3:8.  I was reminded of this post recently by Neil Locke, a new friend I discovered on the nets, when he posted an entry on his own blog titled “Vow of Silence.”  In it Neil reflects on his “diarrhea of the mouth,” a disease I have myself, and ponders what it might be like to practice silence as a discipline.  Calling our attention to Cistercian Trappist monasticism, he writes:

While it is certainly a misconception that trappist monks take a “vow of silence” along with their vows of obedience, chastity and poverty, they do place a high value on limiting one’s speech to bare essentials in certain situations, and at certain times of the day. As best as I can understand it, this is an attempt to both cultivate an atmosphere of contemplation, and to practice self-discipline in communication. I imagine it also forces them to be better listeners and reflective thinkers.

To become a better listener and more reflective thinker . . . seems like a noble goal to me.  I know that I am as prone to negative and destructive speech as the next person (maybe even more so), and I’d like to think that I can, with God’s help, become better at watching what I say.   Neil’s post also reminded me of the “Three Gates of Speech” that can be found in many Buddhist and Hindu writings.  These gates of speech are meant to give a person pause before opening his or her mouth and perhaps saying something he or she shouldn’t say.  Before speaking, one should ask three questions:

Is what I’m about to say the truth?

Is what I am about to say kind?

Is what I am about to say necessary?

Only when one can answer these three questions in the affirmative, thus going through the three gates of speech, does one open his or her mouth to say something.

Needless to say (but I will say it anyway, because that’s how I am), practicing such a discipline would drastically cut down on all the noise and chatter around us.  It would also drastically reduce the negativity common in everyday conversation.  The only trouble I see with using these gates of speech as a kind of filter is that a lot of us might be left without anything to say at all.

———-

You can read more about the Three Gates of Speech on Sally Kempton’s website, which can be found here.

"To Speak or Not to Speak" was published on August 27th, 2008 and is listed in language, life.

Allison Waldman of TV Squad (see link below) reports that a new study out of Great Britain blames “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and other shows like it, for tens of thousands of women quitting the church.

The study, also reported on by the New York Post (Buffy Made Women Stop Going to Church Study) was penned by sociologist Dr. Kristin Aune, who teaches at the University of Derby.   In it, Aune claims that the vampire slayer is one reason why an estimated 50,000 women a year are quitting the church.  As she puts it, "Because of its focus on female empowerment, young women are attracted by Wicca, popularized by the TV series ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘,” [and] "In short, women are abandoning the church."

Yeah, right.  It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with what the Church is actually doing or not doing, could it?  No, let’s blame pop culture for our failings instead.  Sounds like a plan to me.

It’s all Buffy’s fault! was written and posted by Allison Waldman on Tuesday, 26 August 2008.

"Buffy Is Driving Women from the Church" was published on August 26th, 2008 and is listed in television, truth is stranger than fiction.

In a recent post on Emergent Self, Judith Hougen wrote:

Some years ago I sat at a sidewalk cafe with Barry, a pastor from San Francisco, during a break at a spiritual formation conference in Denver. I was interviewing him for a phantom book project. I sipped iced tea and described to him my ideas for the book and reported the results of the Barna survey [in which] . . . evangelicals scored just above prostitutes as a favorable group, his initial laughter lapsed into sober reflection. Barry can get this Buddha-like look, and you know something profound is on the way.

Finally, he leaned across the table and said, “One reason we’re right next to the prostitutes is that we’re in the same business. We don’t offer love, we offer services. We look good but we don’t know how to love and, unfortunately, society will settle for that to get what they think they need.”

“We don’t offer love, we offer services.”  Now that is a powerful indictment of the Church, if it is true, and unfortunately, in my experience, this is true for many congregations.  Churches become the place to go if you need to get a baby done (baptism), a beautiful setting for a wedding, or a place to view the recently deceased besides the funeral parlor. Many churches also provide their members with services like pastoral counseling, fellowship opportunities, and comfortable, non-confrontational worship for little or no cost.  And many people now treat congregations as just another shopping experience, seeking the church that best meets their needs.

Successful churches are those who have learned to prostitute themselves to consumers looking for best value for their tithing or offering dollars.  And if love - the preaching, teaching and practice of love – has anything to do with congregational life, it does so only secondarily to the overwhelming need the church has for new participants and their much needed money.  I cannot tell you how many meetings I have endured in which the primary conversation was centered on this question: “How can we attract new members to our church?”  And why does this question come up?  Only because the church in question needs these new people and their money in order to survive.

It’s like the Church has a bad crack habit it needs to feed, and in order to keep getting its fix, new infusions of cash are necessary to score the drugs.  And in the church’s case the habit primarily has to do with maintaining itself and especially its building(s).

I have no desire to continue this charade in my ministry or in the ministry of any church with which I am involved.  From now on conversations that start with "how can we we get new members/money into the door?" will be shifted to "How can we show the love of Jesus to those around us?"  Otherwise, the church should just hike up its proverbial skirt a little more and be done with it.  Rather than being a love-less provider of services, I want the Church to share the love of Christ in as many ways as is humanly possible. 

In short, we need to stop prostituting ourselves and start giving ourselves away. Those, at least, are my thoughts for today.  What do you think?

Thanks for Sonja Andrews for pointing the blog post above a "tweet" yesterday on Twitter.  You can read Sonja’s blog here.

"The Church as a Prostitute" was published on August 26th, 2008 and is listed in Church, faith.

Everyone loves a good zombie movie, right?  And when it’s claymation, well, that is icing on the cake.  Please note:  This gets gory.  Of course it’s fake claymation gore, but still, you have been warned.

Hat Tip to Pajiba

"Claymation Zombies" was published on August 25th, 2008 and is listed in Video, funny.

In response to “Nine Things Women Say,” here is “Seven Things Men Say".”

“Okay or Yes, Honey/Dear/Sweetie/or any other term of affection” – It sounds like we are agreeing with you, but we just know better than to argue with you when arguing with a woman is always a losing proposition.

“In just a minute” – As far as a time frame goes, this can mean anywhere from 60 seconds to never.

“Uh, huh” – Men in their most communicative state. Get used to it.

“You look great” – We say this whether we actually think this this or not – to say otherwise is just plain stupid and risks raising up the wrath of a woman.

“I’m sorry” – The appropriate response to almost any situation and the two most indispensible words known to mankind when it comes to womankind.  Men, you can never say these words enough.  Trust me on this.

“I did that already.” – This really means, “Thanks for the reminder.  I’ll get right on it as soon as I am sure you’re not looking.”

“Can we go shopping?” – Who am I kidding?  No man, in his right mind, would ever say this to a woman.

Readers, you almost might want to check out this post comparing the brains of men and women here.  And to you guys out there, do you have any phrases to add to the list?  Post them in a comment.

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"Seven Things Men Say" was published on August 25th, 2008 and is listed in life.

Hat Tip to John Carney at Lake Neuron

"Looking for Your Vote" was published on August 24th, 2008 and is listed in Video, politics.

I ran across this poem today from “The Writer’s Almanac,” which I wanted to reflect upon for a few minutes. 

Comfort
by Terence Winch

Father Ray Byrne quickly became
a star. He played sports, danced,
sang, told jokes. He was a man
of the people, and we loved him
for that. He came to our apartments
and brought us comfort.

He even came to a high school graduation
party one night. I was a little drunk.
Father Byrne came up to me and asked
"Are you thinking about it?" I panicked.
What did he mean? Sex? Booze? Basketball?
Could he read my mind? Then I realized
his tone wasn’t accusatory, so I said,
"Yeah, I’m thinking about it," not having
any idea what he was talking about.

"That’s great," he said, "I can always
tell when a young man is thinking about
it. Just let me know if I can be of any help."
Now I was positive he wasn’t talking about
sex or money or any of the things I actually
did have on my mind. Father Byrne thought
I might have a vocation.

But I wasn’t considering the priesthood.
I didn’t even think professional basketball
was a possibility any more. God had walked
out the door about a year before,
when I was sixteen, and never looked back,
even though I begged him not
to leave me, alone and weeping
in this valley of tears.

When I first read this poem, I wondered where it was going and worried at first that Father Byrne might be one of those predatory priests that we have all read about these last few years.  But then there was that last sentence that stopped me in my tracks and changed the whole perspective of the poem:  “God had walked out the door about a year before, when I was sixteen, and never looked back, even though I begged him not to leave me, alone and weeping in this valley of tears."

"Wow" is the only word that adequately captures how I felt when I read those words.  And since I am nothing, if not self-absorbed, I began to think of the times in my own life when it seemed as though God had walked out on me.  There have been more than a few, I am sorry to say.  Where did God go when my dad committed adultery and left my mom, my brother and myself to start a new family with someone else?  Where was God when I was sexually abused as a teenager during my freshman year in High School?  Why did God remain silent to my prayers and cries of anguish when a beloved uncle of mine lay dying of cancer?  And I could go on and on.

Of course, I know that we Christians affirm again and again that God is always with with us.  "Where can I go to flee your Spirit?" the psalmist asks, and the answer is "nowhere."  "What can separate us from the love of God" Paul queries, and the answer is "nothing."  I realize that these passages and many more affirm our value in God’s sight and that God is always keeping an watchful, loving eye on us . . . "The hairs on your head are numbered," Jesus tells us.  And then there is that old spiritual which paraphrases scripture when it states, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me."  So quote me no quotes.  I already know them all.  I’ve been a student of the Bible and a follower of Jesus since the time I was six years old.

But I also know that no amount of text quoting can make God seem any closer when "he" has decided to leave the building.  And again, I am sure that there are plenty who would question who left whom in those situations, but when God seems absent . . . when God is absent, and one is left all alone, such distinctions no longer matter.

There are plenty of people who have felt as the boy in this poem feels . . . people who have experienced the most horrible things imaginable, and who have been "left alone and weeping" in their own valleys of tears.  And the fact that others have experienced similar things and can still affirm God’s presence does nothing to negate the feelings of those who have been abandoned.

The truth is that though I am a pastor, and even though I try the best I can to follow Jesus, the presence of God in my life, a life that is not at all difficult at present, is elusive at best.  I feel that there are times when I come close to God, there are moments when I can all but sense his Spirit, but, for the most part, God’s absence and not his presence define my being. I feel for all those who believe that God has deserted them, and I pray to that all too silent God that he will visit them and me with his grace and with his comfort.

———-

Again, the poem above id "Comfort,"  written by Terence Winch and found in his book "Boy Drinkers." © Hanging Loose Press, 2007

To buy this book from amazon.com, click the link above.

"A Poem for Today: “Comfort” by Terence Winch" was published on August 23rd, 2008 and is listed in God, faith, life.

Yesterday was an interesting day on “One Thing I Know,” and for a while I was very concerned that it might be too interesting.  You see, one of my posts, featuring the poem “If You Forget Me” by Pablo Neruda, was placed on Stumble Upon by a kind reader.  Now mind you that this post is over 18 months old, and it was put on Stumble Upon some time last week, but for reasons I do not understand, it suddenly became quite the hit.

My “One Thing I Know” blogs (all the blogs listed in my right sidebar) usually coast along getting anywhere from 200 to 350 page views a day, but yesterday they got over 1,400, with all but 200 or so going to onethingiknow.net.  The graph below shows you what I am talking about.

I got worried that all of this traffic would spike my GPU usage and cause my blog host to take some sort of action against me, but I guess I needn’t have worried.  Nary a word from Media Temple (unlike like my former host Midphase, which had a hissy fit whenever my hits went above 400), and my GPU usage was no worse than any other day, as far as I can tell. 

I attribute this partly to a superb plug-in called WP-Supercache, which caches your pages for a period of time and saves server resources and time and energy.  I am very please that my blogs survived this temporary hike in traffic and thank Media Temple for their Grid-Service servers and the developers of WP-Supercache  profusely.

On a side note, I did discover that a file was missing when looking at my GPU usage and that this missing file was eating up unnecessary resources.  The file in question?  The favicon.ico file I designed that appears in some feedreaders and browser windows next to the blog name.  I quickly uploaded the file and solved that problem as well.  In case your browser or reader doesn’t show favicons, here is what the “One Thing I Know” favicon looks like:

Cute, huh?  I am becoming such a computer/web geek!

"An Interesting Blog Day" was published on August 21st, 2008 and is listed in blog babble.

It’s a beautiful day in Eastern Pennsylvania.  In fact, it’s been a quite nice August, as far as I am concerned – not too hot during the day and temperatures in the 60s at night time.  Just my kind of weather.  It is hard to believe though that Summer is rapidly drawing to a close . . . less than two weeks until it’s unofficial end.  And my lovely daughter Desiree begins school next Tuesday, which will mean regular (if not weekly) trips to Lewisburg for visits.

As all five of you devoted readers of this blog know, I had hoped to move closer to my girl this summer, but for whatever reasons (only God and the District Superintendent know) I remain at Pottstown – about two and a half hours away from Desiree.  Over the summer I have saved a lot of gas by not making weekly trips to Lewisburg and by the fact that Desiree was here for more extended periods of time (3+ weeks and longer weekends).  It has been nice not having to do so much driving and not spending so much money to fill the Scion’s gas tank.

But all good things must come to an end.  As to how often and when I will make the trips to Lewisburg this fall remains to be seen.  I will have to factor in Desiree’s participation in soccer practice and games into the equation, as well as the availability of overnight accommodations at friends’ homes in the area.  I’ll know more in the next couple of weeks.  Until then everything is up in the air, which is a state I have become accustomed to being in (he says . . . mangling the English language).

Things could be worse, so I won’t complain too much (I know, I know . . . how unlike me).  It’s enough for me today to enjoy the beautiful day I’ve been given and to look forward to some more work in and on the house later this afternoon.  Being productive makes me feel pretty good, and so by tonight I should nigh on estactic : ).

"A Couple of Random Thoughts" was published on August 20th, 2008 and is listed in Family, life.